Elevating the Ordinary

Last week, I walked out of my office, saw a rainbow (picture above), and said the bracha you're supposed to say when you see a rainbow. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time a bracha has been made over a rainbow at the school where I work. I can look at the things in life as physical things without a spiritual component, or I can attempt to use the physical things in my surroundings as a way to bring G-dliness down to our physical world. When I said a bracha over the rainbow, the pavement I stood on as I said it took on a different, spiritual state. The pavement wasn't just pavement. It was a phsyical thing allowing me to do a mitzvah.

Speaking of the spiritual, my husband and I are going to Israel for a couple weeks! Even though I know that Israel is a place visited by people of all religions, I think of it as a Jewish place. But, when coworkers have asked me what I'm doing over break and I say I'm going to Israel, one person said, "Oh, so you're going for Xmas?" In another situation, I was answering a coworkers question about why I cover my hair. I also said that I'm going to Israel over break, and I'm excited to buy some new hair coverings there, since I've heard they have some great ones. She asked me, "So, what religion is that?"I told her I cover my hair and that I'm going to Israel, but she still didn't assume I was Jewish. I liked that! I like that people perceive Israel as an inclusive place where people of all religions can go.

We got a new secretary at work. With all new co-workers, the conversations about why I cover my hair and what kosher means have begun. One question I loved was, "So, since you're Jewish, does your husband have a long beard?" I explained that he doesn't.

So, me and my non-bearded husband are off to Israel! Can't wait to share my experiences with you when I return! And, if you have any prayers you wish for me to say in Israel, please feel free to let me know!

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T.G.I. Shabbat

TGIF! In the winter, Friday's can get stressful at work. Since I live about an hour away from work, and since Shabbat starts pretty early in the winter, I have to leave work especially early on Fridays. (For my readers unaware about Shabbat: there's certain things we don't do on Shabbat, and one of them includes driving. If you're interested, you can read more here). I am so thankful for an understanding work environment and coworkers who cover for my workload on Friday afternoons.

One Wednesday at work, I was talking to the other school psychologist about a meeting I had scheduled at 3:00. He said,  "3:00? Isn't that too late?! You won't be home on time before it gets dark." And then he said, "Oh wait. It's not Friday. I'm still trying to figure out all of the Jew times. But if you had to be home every night before it got dark, that would be a problem, wouldn't it?"

During Chanukah, a lot of my coworkers said to me at the end of the day, "The sun is setting! Don't you have to leave?" I explained the reasons why I didn't have to leave early on Chanukah, and I thanked G-d for the amazing work environment I have.'

A group of school psychologists often meet up on Friday afternoons. They know I can't join them at this time of the year. One Friday, I got the following text message picture from one of them:

As we plan for next semester, one of the teachers in the program for students with Emotional Disturbance said to me, "I would love for you to do a cooking presentation on kosher food with my students next year." He explained to me that he wants to teach his students about different cultures, and it would be really good for them to hear about keeping kosher. He is going to work on preparing a lesson in advance of me coming. He then said, "And I want to hear, too!" He went on to explain that he is Seventh Day Adventist, and he told me some similarities about Judaism and Seventh Day Adventist that I was not aware of. 

When I started covering my hair, I was expecting a few comments here and there. I was not expecting to be asked to give a cooking demonstration to a group of students who may have never even heard the term "kosher." But I am so honored and blessed to have this opportunity to be a kiddush Hashem. As I said in a previous blog post, I am going to take this as an opportunity to elevate the place where I work. 

Have a great weekend, everyone, and Shabbat Shalom to those who are celebrating!

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Mindfulness: Living in the Present

I was asked to give a presentation at work about using mindfulness in schools. I love incorporating mindfulness into my work as a school psychologist. I've presented on this topic a few times before, but this is my first time presenting since I started covering my hair. Also, my audience would be a nearby school district where I don't work, so it's a group of people I haven't met before. As I was getting ready this morning, I was trying to find a hair covering to wear that would look professional and appropriate for the presentation. I tried one on and asked my husband if it matches. He said it didn't, but he said he thought I have another one that would match. I told him I wore that one yesterday. He said, "So what?" I said, "I can't wear the same hair covering two days in a row!" My husband laughed and said, "You have to put that comment in your blog!"

So what is mindfulness? Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment and being aware of everything that is happening in that moment. Mindfulness can be done through explicit practices such as meditation and yoga. Mindfulness can also be done in a less explicit way, such as adopting a generally mindful approach to life and applying the principles and techniques of mindfulness to daily activities. For example, have you ever noticed that you drive from point A to point B, but don't remember actually driving there? You can try a mindful approach to driving, such as noticing everything while you drive. Notice the feeling of the steering wheel in your hands. Notice the feel of the car chair that you're sitting on. This allows us to be present in the moment rather than worrying and thinking about all of the things we have to do later that day. Why is mindfulness important? Because it helps us slow down and enjoy life. It helps with feelings of anxiety, which can then turn to feelings of depression. If you're interested in learning more about mindfulness, I recommended checking out  UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center

I was first introduced to mindfulness in graduate school when I took a course in it offered through the health center. Since then, I try to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life. I tend to walk around the school where I work very fast because I'm so busy. One student always used to say, "Where are you off to so fast?" I now try to walk in a mindful way. I pay attention to the feeling of the pavement under my feet. I also try to be mindful and not get too irritated as I drive into the school parking lot along with the 16 year old high school students driving their cars, which can sometimes be a scary driving experience!

A very memorable mindfulness experience was a five day mindfulness retreat I went to in New Mexico at Vallecitos Mountain Ranch. The retreat was a silent retreat, so I had the chance to be with my thoughts and practice mindfulness in a beautiful environment. And, because it was silent, I got some interesting looks about the kosher food I brought along, but no one was able to ask me about it  until the retreat ended!  The picture included in this post is from that retreat. And I have a poster of Vallecitos Mountain Ranch in my office as a daily reminder to focus on the present.

May we all be able to enjoy the moments in our lives in a mindful way!

A Little Effort Goes A Long Way

It’s almost winter break at work. (Yes, I did think about the perks of having school breaks off when I was deciding to become a school psychologist! Thanks for the excellent career suggestion, mom!) Since it’s almost break, there’s a lot of holiday parties and gatherings going on.

There was a potluck at work today. A teacher said to me, “I know pork isn’t kosher. Is it a problem if I warm up the pork in the microwave in the other room?” I explained that I have my own microwave in my office, so it’s no problem for her to warm up the pork in the communal microwave. Everyone in my office is aware that my microwave is “the kosher microwave.” When the communal microwave was broken for a day, people outside of my office asked to use mine. Before I had a chance to explain why they couldn’t, my coworkers already did the explaining for me!

Last week, one of my coworkers sent out an e-mail asking if some of us wanted to go outfor lunch The e-mail also said, “How about we go to Coffee Bean so everyone can eat?” As I wrote in my previous blog post, there is essentially no Jewish community where I work. So the one Coffee Bean location is the only place that has kosher food.

As I finished reading the e-mail, I was filled with thanks towards G-d for helping me keep the mitzvot. After I got married and started covering my hair, I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle invitations to eat at non-kosher restaurants. Before I covered my hair, I sometimes brought my kosher food and went to eat with my co-workers at a non-kosher restaurant. I always felt uncomfortable doing it because of marit ayin; if someone sees me eating in a non-kosher restaurant, it looks as if I’m violating halacha. However, I rationalized by saying that no one could tell I was Jewish. Yes, I was wearing a skirt and long sleeves, but anyone can wear that. And I just wasn’t at the level of not doing it yet. Everyone has their struggles and areas for growth, and that was mine. Now that I cover my hair, I feel as if I look “more Jewish.”  So I decided I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my food into non-kosher restaurants anymore. After I made that decision, G-d was there to help me by giving me amazing coworkers who came up with the suggestion of going to the one kosher restaurant in our area. I didn’t even have to ask!  I put in a little effort by making the resolution not to bring my food to non-kosher restaurants, and G-d took care of the rest.

Last year, when I hadn’t yet made the resolution to not bring my kosher food into non-kosher restaurants, I went to eat with some other school psychologists. As I began eating my kosher food, the waitress told me no outside food was allowed. My coworker quickly said, “She keeps kosher. If she’s not allowed to eat it in here, we’re going to leave and not order anything.” The waitress let me eat. At that point, I was at a different level, and G-d helped me with the level I was on at that time. G-d is with me every step of the way. On a lighter note, the food I was eating was a soy chicken patty with cheese. My coworker said, “I don’t know much about kosher. But I was pretty sure milk and meat isn’t okay.” I laughed and explained that the chicken was soy chicken. What a perfect reminder that I really am a representation of the Jewish people! I can look at it as a burden, but I look at it as a wonderful opportunity to represent the Jewish people in a positive light.

As my sister helped me realize, the comments I get about covering my hair and being Jewish are all so positive. Such as the speech therapist saying to me, “Wow, you look so classy.” Or a teacher saying, “Wow! You added a flower pin to your hair covering!” Or another teacher saying, “I love the bling on that one!” I was so curious about the comments and questions I would get once I started covering my hair. Once again, I made the resolution to cover my hair, and G-d helped me by showering me with positive comments from the people around me.

Sometimes all I have to do is put in a little effort on my part, and G-d does the rest.

There Is No Such Thing As Coincidence

There is no such thing as coincidence. G-d puts things in my life for a reason. My sister keeps telling me to write so I can inspire others. My friends laugh when I tell them stories about comments I get at work. I thought about writing, but I never did it. Until today at work when I got three comments about my tichel (hair covering) within 15 minutes. It was no coincidence. It was material for my first blog post. So, here I am.

Thank G-d, I got married about four months ago. After I got married, I started covering my hair in accordance with Jewish law. I cover my hair with scarves, tichels, and hats rather than with a wig. I had been working at my job for about two years before I got married. So when I walked into work with my hair covered, it was very obvious.

I work as a school psychologist in a high school about 70 miles outside of Los Angeles. Even though it’s only 70 miles, those miles are enough to have essentially no Jewish community. So people are not aware that Jewish women cover their hair when they get married. The school where I work has about 3,200 students and a large staff of teachers, administrators, secretaries, maintenance staff, security, etc. Most of these people had no idea why I was now covering my hair.

Within the first few days of covering my hair, I told my coworkers who I have the most interaction with the reason why I now covering my hair. Then the questions and comments started from the rest of the staff and students. And I loved all of them!

One teacher I work with said to me, “I googled it and figured out why you cover your hair. That’s so interesting.”  One secretary told me that I do such a good job of matching my hair coverings to my outfits and then asked me why I’m now covering my hair. I explained that a Jewish woman’s hair takes on a different, spiritual state after she gets married. And that my husband sees my hair, so it is special for him. She responded by saying, “Wow. I just got goose bumps.”

There were a lot of questions from students. I wasn’t sure how to handle this because I try to keep a boundary between details of my personal life and the students I work with. Most of the time my answer was, “It’s my new look.” A few of my students weren’t satisfied with this answer. After a meeting with a student and a parent, the student came into my office and said, “Me and my mom really want to know why you’re covering your hair now.” So I told her.

Students must have been asking their teachers, too. Because one of my student’s came in and said to me, “My teacher said you’re Jewish so that’s why you cover your hair.” So much for boundaries! But I don’t mind. I just said “yes” and continued with the counseling session.

As I said earlier, nothing is a coincidence. When I started this job over two years ago, I was frustrated about my long commute and not being able to find a closer job. Before I started covering my hair, most of the school staff didn’t know I was Jewish (except for the few who figured it out after I wasn’t at work for so many days during the beginning of the year because of the holidays). But, now that I cover my hair, people have asked questions and now know that I’m Jewish. Now I realize some of the reasons why I have this job.

G-d has given me the opportunity to be a Kiddush Hashem; to represent Jewish people in a positive light. I’m the first Jewish person some of these students have ever met. I might be the first Jewish person some of my coworkers have close interaction with. Today, a student said to me, “How was your Hannukah? I didn’t know you were Jewish.” I told him I had a good Hannukah and asked him how he found out that I’m Jewish. He said, “My teacher told me. She said, ‘Why do you think she wears that thing on her head?’ ” The student then told me that he used to make “Jew jokes”, but he isn’t going to anymore because now he’s actually met a Jew. He then asked me if I have ancestors who died in the Holocaust.

And, more than that, G-d has given me the opportunity to elevate the places where I work. Before me, I wonder if anyone ever said a bracha over food on the school campus. Before me, I wonder if anyone ever listened to Torah classes or read Jewish articles (which I sometimes do during my lunch break). Through the brachot I say and the words of Torah I read and listen to, the space where I work is becoming a space where G-d’s presence now exists.

I am so thankful that, in this life situation, G-d has led me to be able to see some of the reasons why I have such a long commute to work. I just wish I could see the reasons for so many other things that happen. I’m optimistic, though, that there is a reason, even though I may not always understand or see it.