A Little Effort Goes A Long Way

It’s almost winter break at work. (Yes, I did think about the perks of having school breaks off when I was deciding to become a school psychologist! Thanks for the excellent career suggestion, mom!) Since it’s almost break, there’s a lot of holiday parties and gatherings going on.

There was a potluck at work today. A teacher said to me, “I know pork isn’t kosher. Is it a problem if I warm up the pork in the microwave in the other room?” I explained that I have my own microwave in my office, so it’s no problem for her to warm up the pork in the communal microwave. Everyone in my office is aware that my microwave is “the kosher microwave.” When the communal microwave was broken for a day, people outside of my office asked to use mine. Before I had a chance to explain why they couldn’t, my coworkers already did the explaining for me!

Last week, one of my coworkers sent out an e-mail asking if some of us wanted to go outfor lunch The e-mail also said, “How about we go to Coffee Bean so everyone can eat?” As I wrote in my previous blog post, there is essentially no Jewish community where I work. So the one Coffee Bean location is the only place that has kosher food.

As I finished reading the e-mail, I was filled with thanks towards G-d for helping me keep the mitzvot. After I got married and started covering my hair, I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle invitations to eat at non-kosher restaurants. Before I covered my hair, I sometimes brought my kosher food and went to eat with my co-workers at a non-kosher restaurant. I always felt uncomfortable doing it because of marit ayin; if someone sees me eating in a non-kosher restaurant, it looks as if I’m violating halacha. However, I rationalized by saying that no one could tell I was Jewish. Yes, I was wearing a skirt and long sleeves, but anyone can wear that. And I just wasn’t at the level of not doing it yet. Everyone has their struggles and areas for growth, and that was mine. Now that I cover my hair, I feel as if I look “more Jewish.”  So I decided I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my food into non-kosher restaurants anymore. After I made that decision, G-d was there to help me by giving me amazing coworkers who came up with the suggestion of going to the one kosher restaurant in our area. I didn’t even have to ask!  I put in a little effort by making the resolution not to bring my food to non-kosher restaurants, and G-d took care of the rest.

Last year, when I hadn’t yet made the resolution to not bring my kosher food into non-kosher restaurants, I went to eat with some other school psychologists. As I began eating my kosher food, the waitress told me no outside food was allowed. My coworker quickly said, “She keeps kosher. If she’s not allowed to eat it in here, we’re going to leave and not order anything.” The waitress let me eat. At that point, I was at a different level, and G-d helped me with the level I was on at that time. G-d is with me every step of the way. On a lighter note, the food I was eating was a soy chicken patty with cheese. My coworker said, “I don’t know much about kosher. But I was pretty sure milk and meat isn’t okay.” I laughed and explained that the chicken was soy chicken. What a perfect reminder that I really am a representation of the Jewish people! I can look at it as a burden, but I look at it as a wonderful opportunity to represent the Jewish people in a positive light.

As my sister helped me realize, the comments I get about covering my hair and being Jewish are all so positive. Such as the speech therapist saying to me, “Wow, you look so classy.” Or a teacher saying, “Wow! You added a flower pin to your hair covering!” Or another teacher saying, “I love the bling on that one!” I was so curious about the comments and questions I would get once I started covering my hair. Once again, I made the resolution to cover my hair, and G-d helped me by showering me with positive comments from the people around me.

Sometimes all I have to do is put in a little effort on my part, and G-d does the rest.

There Is No Such Thing As Coincidence

There is no such thing as coincidence. G-d puts things in my life for a reason. My sister keeps telling me to write so I can inspire others. My friends laugh when I tell them stories about comments I get at work. I thought about writing, but I never did it. Until today at work when I got three comments about my tichel (hair covering) within 15 minutes. It was no coincidence. It was material for my first blog post. So, here I am.

Thank G-d, I got married about four months ago. After I got married, I started covering my hair in accordance with Jewish law. I cover my hair with scarves, tichels, and hats rather than with a wig. I had been working at my job for about two years before I got married. So when I walked into work with my hair covered, it was very obvious.

I work as a school psychologist in a high school about 70 miles outside of Los Angeles. Even though it’s only 70 miles, those miles are enough to have essentially no Jewish community. So people are not aware that Jewish women cover their hair when they get married. The school where I work has about 3,200 students and a large staff of teachers, administrators, secretaries, maintenance staff, security, etc. Most of these people had no idea why I was now covering my hair.

Within the first few days of covering my hair, I told my coworkers who I have the most interaction with the reason why I now covering my hair. Then the questions and comments started from the rest of the staff and students. And I loved all of them!

One teacher I work with said to me, “I googled it and figured out why you cover your hair. That’s so interesting.”  One secretary told me that I do such a good job of matching my hair coverings to my outfits and then asked me why I’m now covering my hair. I explained that a Jewish woman’s hair takes on a different, spiritual state after she gets married. And that my husband sees my hair, so it is special for him. She responded by saying, “Wow. I just got goose bumps.”

There were a lot of questions from students. I wasn’t sure how to handle this because I try to keep a boundary between details of my personal life and the students I work with. Most of the time my answer was, “It’s my new look.” A few of my students weren’t satisfied with this answer. After a meeting with a student and a parent, the student came into my office and said, “Me and my mom really want to know why you’re covering your hair now.” So I told her.

Students must have been asking their teachers, too. Because one of my student’s came in and said to me, “My teacher said you’re Jewish so that’s why you cover your hair.” So much for boundaries! But I don’t mind. I just said “yes” and continued with the counseling session.

As I said earlier, nothing is a coincidence. When I started this job over two years ago, I was frustrated about my long commute and not being able to find a closer job. Before I started covering my hair, most of the school staff didn’t know I was Jewish (except for the few who figured it out after I wasn’t at work for so many days during the beginning of the year because of the holidays). But, now that I cover my hair, people have asked questions and now know that I’m Jewish. Now I realize some of the reasons why I have this job.

G-d has given me the opportunity to be a Kiddush Hashem; to represent Jewish people in a positive light. I’m the first Jewish person some of these students have ever met. I might be the first Jewish person some of my coworkers have close interaction with. Today, a student said to me, “How was your Hannukah? I didn’t know you were Jewish.” I told him I had a good Hannukah and asked him how he found out that I’m Jewish. He said, “My teacher told me. She said, ‘Why do you think she wears that thing on her head?’ ” The student then told me that he used to make “Jew jokes”, but he isn’t going to anymore because now he’s actually met a Jew. He then asked me if I have ancestors who died in the Holocaust.

And, more than that, G-d has given me the opportunity to elevate the places where I work. Before me, I wonder if anyone ever said a bracha over food on the school campus. Before me, I wonder if anyone ever listened to Torah classes or read Jewish articles (which I sometimes do during my lunch break). Through the brachot I say and the words of Torah I read and listen to, the space where I work is becoming a space where G-d’s presence now exists.

I am so thankful that, in this life situation, G-d has led me to be able to see some of the reasons why I have such a long commute to work. I just wish I could see the reasons for so many other things that happen. I’m optimistic, though, that there is a reason, even though I may not always understand or see it.